Rehearsals

For the past two weeks, things have been gearing up for the big show Mika's Dance Produce is putting on this Sunday. Stage rehearsals started last week and have eaten up a great deal of my free time. I showed up to the first one last week thinking it would be a quick position check, but it lasted three hours. Each one since then has taken about the same amount of time, assuming we started on time, which is not always the case. Last week we had three stage rehearsals (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) in addition to the regular hip hop class (Tuesday). This week we have stage rehearsals Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, plus regular hip hop on Tuesday. So when I add it up, by the time the show is over, I'll have spent about 24 hours doing stage rehearsals.

Part of my frustration with this is that I show up for three hours of rehearsal only to run through the hip hop routine once, and to practice the opening and closing numbers. The rest of the time is spent standing around without much to do. I have enjoyed watching the other classes practice their dances, but I'm wasting a lot of time. To be fair, I was warned about this. When I started taking hip hop class the teacher asked if I was taking any other classes. I told her that I wasn't, and she said that I would spend a lot of time waiting when it came to the performance. I assumed that this would just be on the day of the actual performance, so I wasn't particularly bothered by it. But I'm guessing now that she was mainly referring to stage rehearsals.

Something kind of amazing is the amount of dancing that the other students are doing. Most students are in nearly all of the dances. Makoto, who is in my hip hop class, is in eight separate dances. During all of the rehearsal time, she's either dancing or running to get changed into the next costume. I don't even want to think about the amount they've spent on costumes. I'm assuming that they had to buy the things they're wearing, and that they aren't borrowing them from the studio. The other students all come to rehearsal carrying big baskets or wheeling small suitcases full of costumes.

Being at rehearsals with everyone from the studio has been sort of a mixed blessing. I've met a lot of people from other classes, and some of them are really nice to me. I feel like I'm making new friends. I'm also getting to know my classmates and teachers better. Yoshi and Pin, two people from hip hop, usually don't talk to me much during class, but they've been interacting with me at rehearsals. Even if we aren't having full conversations, I feel like there's some sort of exchange going on. And I've enjoyed watching them dance. I can't really pay attention to what other people are doing during hip hop class because I've got my hands full just doing my part. But during rehearsals I can watch them perform. Some of them are really amazing dancers.

On the other hand, the stage rehearsals are also full of reminders of how separate and alone I am. People can only tell me the simplest things, and even then I might not get it. I can't join in their jokes and casual conversations because I don't understand what's going on. For the most part, they only talk to me to tell me the most essential things, because anything else just isn't worth the struggle. I can't follow even the most basic instructions, so I feel like the moron of the group. The others have to look after me like I'm a child. For the opening and closing routines, the people I stand next to are always making sure that I'm in the right place in line because I can't be trusted to remember it myself. And honestly, at first, I really did need them to tell me. But it's frustrating to think that they can only see that side of me. I want to tell them, "Really, I'm an intelligent and interesting person. I just don't understand Japanese yet." But I don't have the words to do even that. The more time I spend with these people, the more frustrating it becomes that I can't get any closer to them.

I think one major downside of having so many rehearsals is that it's taking a lot of the excitement out of dancing. I feel like I may actually be getting worse with all the additional practice. I'm a little concerned that on Sunday night I'll be thinking, "Oh, we do this every day. This is just another day of stage rehearsals" and won't really be performing. The stage is supposed to be special, but it doesn't feel that way anymore. I know it will be different when we have an actual audience, but for the past several days dancing has felt like just another routine I have to go through, like brushing my teeth or catching the bus to school.

In any case, I'm getting a little frustrated. On an intellectual level I know that the performance is tomorrow, but it feels more like the stage rehearsals will just go on indefinitely. I'm not even getting excited for the show. Maybe by tomorrow I will. God, I hope I will.