Today's experience at the mall got me thinking about good days and bad days. I've noticed that in a lot of cases, they have more to do with my mood than with the events that happen. Obviously, a day with failed lessons and unpleasant interactions is likely to be a bad day, but sometimes a fairly normal day can feel awful.
Signs of a bad day: Anxious about talking to people or entering unfamiliar situations (eating alone at a new restaurant, shopping in a new store) . Self-conscious. Feel clumsy or awkward. Worry about doing things the wrong way (not using the right courtesy phrases, touching things I shouldn't touch while shopping, riding my bike on the wrong side of the street). Hesitant to ask questions or start conversations. Feeling out of place. Trying not to draw attention to myself. Speak very quietly.
Signs of a good day: Confident. Willing to attempt conversations in Japanese. Will go to new places alone; feel like exploring. Unconcerned about (non-aggressive) staring. Less of a sense of being "different" or "apart". Cheerful. Enjoy saying "Hello" to children who are looking at me. Have a sense of humor about errors and miscommunications. Interested in new details of familiar things. Looking for new experiences. Willing to take risks.
For the most part, these are the same fluctuations in mood that I would have in the U.S. Only a few aspects are new, like "awareness of being stared at". In Japan, it does not particularly matter what I am wearing or what I am doing, someone will stare at me. Paranoid thoughts like "They're watching me" are actually likely to be true, because there is no such thing as anonymity for a non-Japanese person. On a bad day, this feels very oppressive and adds to my self-consciousness. But on a good day, it doesn't really cross my mind. My mood makes that much of a difference.
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